Host Resolution - 90th Annual Meeting, University of Wyoming, Laramie, Wyoming

WHEREAS, the 90th annual meeting of the American Society of Mammalogists was held at the University of Wyoming, Laramie, Wyoming, 11–15 June, 2010; and

WHEREAS, upon arrival, President Sue McLaren promptly rented a full-sized Chevy Silverado in order to fit in better around campus, but was immediately pulled over by the Laramie police for driving a pick-up without a gun rack; and
WHEREAS, we congratulate President McLaren for presiding over the first Board meeting that has been given its own place on the Geologic Time Scale; and
WHEREAS, the ominous rumbling that pervaded the Board meeting was not an approaching tornado, just Hugh Genoways snoring in the back row; and
WHEREAS, we lost Jackson Award winner Michael Dixon to the Deepwater Horizon clean-up effort, but we applaud BP for their foresighted back-up plan to protect the many walruses in the Gulf of Mexico; and
WHEREAS, the hail, rain, and threat of snow in June had many mammalogists reminiscing about warmer venues…like Alaska; and
WHEREAS, in her welcoming comments, Merav Ben-David appointed Winston Smith official punching bag of the 2010 ASM meeting, and we feel this should hereafter be an annually elected position; and
WHEREAS, Tom Giarla revealed that when it comes to expanding your range, what's in your genes explains a lot; Jonathan Reichard showed us that hot bats  =  cool science, and led many mammalogists to start flapping their arms when the temperature in meeting rooms soared; Brandi Coyner taught us that when your data don't uncover a clear phylogeny, go back and re-identify your samples; and Jonathan Pauli discovered the hard way that Macs are smarter than PCs: they freeze up when you attempt to discuss models with a ΔAIC > 6.9; and
WHEREAS, Star Wars fans on the local committee thought that waving a toy light saber would intimidate a rambling speaker more than a scowling moderator; and
WHEREAS, Felisa Smith revealed that we shouldn't fear climate change from anthropogenic CO2 emissions, they are just compensating for all those missing mammoth and bison burps; and
WHEREAS, Merav Ben-David supplied voodoo poster boards that, if you stick a pin in them, will cause Liz Flaherty to suffer a pain in the wallet; and,
WHEREAS, the University of Wyoming solved the perennial problem of too-small bath towels in the dorms…by not providing any; and
WHEREAS, dorm residents needed a key card to get into the bathrooms. Luckily, they worked quickly; and
WHEREAS, getting into the spirit of the World Cup, urinals in the Student Union men's rooms were equipped with tiny soccer goals, prompting many loud shouts of “GOOOOOAAAAL!;” and
WHEREAS, the ASM officers were safely protected from the rowdy crowds at the Members' Meeting by a deep pitfall trap, which almost captured Hugh Genoways. Good thing it was “almost,” as we could only archive a paper copy; and
WHEREAS, the Run for Research was patrolled by ambulances to pick up the victims of hypoxia and hypothermia; and
WHEREAS, inspired by Wyoming's bucking bronco, a new fund-raising event will be held at future meetings: Bull Riding for Research; and
WHEREAS, mammalogists were relieved to see that the bus ride to the Wyoming Territorial Prison really was round-trip; and
WHEREAS, the sun came out for the picnic, but the beer went away, leaving mammalogists dreaming of “Beervana;” and
WHEREAS, the picnic was hosted by a local microbrewery that was so proud of their beer, they served us lemonade; and
WHEREAS, while in downtown Laramie, mammalogists discovered yet another reason to conduct research in “The Library;” and
WHEREAS, Grinnell Award winner Dave Armstrong informed us that “liberal arts” is not the opposite of “conservative arts,” but given the current state of education funding, it might be expedient to at least call it “center-right arts;” and
WHEREAS, Helene Marsh showed us the cultural benefits of traditional hunting, attendees at next year's ASM meeting will be issued a Sherman trap and asked to provide their own banquet entrée; and
WHEREAS, Merriam Award winner Rick Ostfeld opted to keep the bronze bison instead of swapping for the alternative prize of a free post-conference quail hunting trip with Wyoming resident and philanthropist, Dick Cheney; and
WHEREAS, the local committee neglected to allocate 6 speaker slots for the 2nd plenary session: 3 for the speakers and 3 for Mike Mares; and
WHEREAS, the group photo involved herding mammalogists into an extreme clumped distribution, which temporarily became the most densely populated area in Wyoming; and
WHEREAS, graffiti on the Biological Sciences Bldg alerted ASM members to the possible presence of a mongoose on the quad, delaying the start of several committee meetings as members rushed to prepare their live traps and hair snares; and,
WHEREAS, speakers at the stable isotope symposium showed us that you are what you eat…sometimes, for a while, if you are one of “those things with feathers;” and
WHEREAS, University President Dr. Thomas Buchanan informed us that Wyoming still has its full complement of native mammals, we wonder if the local committee was trying to pad the list by using a bonneted bat, manatee, and jaguar on their t-shirts and program; and
WHEREAS, it's probably just a coincidence, but the clouds parted and foul weather cleared up shortly after the society elected God wanna-be Ed Heske to President-elect; and
WHEREAS, family and friends gathered to remember the warmth, selflessness, humor, and plain good sense of Trustee and Honorary Member Jerry Choate, who we will sorely miss; and
WHEREAS, we welcome Vi Choate as our newest Trustee, and hope she will be practicing “the look” to help keep any profligate Board Members in line;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the American Society of Mammalogists meeting at their 90th annual meeting at the University of Wyoming, Laramie, Wyoming, 11–15 June 2010, heartily thank Merav Ben-David, Liz Fleharty, the local committee, and the Brown and Gold for putting on a solid gold, gold-medal worthy annual meeting that was so nearly perfect the Resolutions Committee nearly abandoned the idea of a Host Resolution (but we rose to the occasion).