WHEREAS, the 91st annual meeting of the American Society of Mammalogists was held at Portland State University, Portland, Oregon, 25-29 June, 2011; and
WHEREAS, everything at Portland State was recycled, even the signage… before we got here; and
WHEREAS the liberal atmosphere of the Pacific Northwest must have subverted the Board, making 6.13 the new 4.5; and
WHEREAS, in a not too subtle reminder that we need to recruit younger members, ASM past presidents were issued black name tags and a bottle of Rogue Dead Guy ale; and
WHEREAS, the ASM omsbudpersons were alerted to numerous violations of personal space, but it turned out it was only members trying to read the 10-point font on name tags; and
WHEREAS, the Portland State meal plan consisted of stocking up on strawberries at the farmer’s market; and
WHEREAS oops, we pause for a moment to reconnect to the Portland State server; and
WHEREAS, even a cloud of volcanic ash couldn’t keep the Aussies away from someplace called “Beervana”; and
WHEREAS, “Estos gringos chupan como esponjes!”; and
WHEREAS, Julie Woodruff taught us that living with a female reduces your anxiety levels, and thus “Ctenomys is to love mys;” of course, she only tested this hypothesis with other females; Chris Habeck taught us that if you don’t keep an eye on those mammalogists, they’ll try to steal your FACE; and Tereza Jezkova showed that although change is good, kangaroo rats don’t let even glaciers push them around; and
WHEREAS, Shadle Fellowship winner Bret Pasch left the older males in the audience wondering if their hearing really was going, and more importantly, why do Costa Rican mice sing in Italian?; and
WHEREAS building on our new talk show format for members’ meetings, our members’ meeting in Reno will be co-hosted by Mike Mares and Oprah, with all attendees receiving a new car! That should boost membership; and
WHEREAS, Secretary-Treasurer Ron Van Den Bussche was able to balance the budget by hanging out in the park after the picnic and collecting spare change; and
WHEREAS, we learned a new meaning for “going Rogue;” and
WHEREAS, at the picnic, mammalogists were baited into a large, open-topped live trap using free beer, then released only to be recaptured in a food line where the wait was best measured on a geologic time scale; and
WHEREAS unfortunately, salmon season ended before all the picnic attendees could be served; and
WHEREAS, the Run for Research followed laid-back Portland guidelines: “Hey, go out and run somewhere. Let us know how you did”; and
WHEREAS, the local committee did not produce a meeting t-shirt because they could not figure out how to tie-dye the gopher; and
WHEREAS, following up on the idea of speed dating, the local committee initiated the new concept of speed poster sessions; and
WHEREAS someone needs to explain to the senior members of ASM that developing a social network does not mean cramming 400 people into a 100 by 100 ft space for a poster session; and
WHEREAS our Australian mates introduced many new complex conceptual issues for us to ponder, such as what is the difference between ASM and AMS?, who came first, Sherman or Elliot?, and just what is a dingo anyway?; and
WHEREAS oops, we pause once again for a moment to reconnect to the Portland State server; and
WHEREAS, Grinnell Award recipient Enrique Lessa encouraged us to embrace our inner mammalogical child for as long as possible, at least if we can get somebody else to pay for it; and
WHEREAS, Leopold Award recipient Herbert Prins noted that even Aldo might have been a bit optimistic when he said, “the government will do the rest”; and in breaking news, conservation practices in Tibet have inspired a new chain of restaurants called the Deli Lama, proving once again, “It’s the economy, stupid”; and
WHEREAS, Merriam Award recipient Gerardo Ceballos did not submit a title or abstract before the conference, probably because he was afraid that no one would come to his presentation if they knew what it was about; and
WHEREAS oops, we pause for another moment to log back on to the Portland State server; and
WHEREAS the ad hoc ASM membership retention committee has determined that benefits of membership in ASM will now include “more money, more publicity, better clothes, more sex, and free rehab”; and
WHEREAS, Matt Hopton and the IT committee did a terrific job on our beautiful new website: you guys rock!; and
WHEREAS, things kept rolling along throughout the meeting porque nosotros tenemos Ruedas!;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the American Society of Mammalogists meeting at their 91st annual meeting at Portland State University, Portland, Oregon, 25-29 June 2011, being joined by the Australian Mammal Society for their 57th annual meeting, heartily thank Luis Ruedas, Laurie Dizney, Barb Shaw, Livi Kulander, the rest of the local committee, the Portland State Vikings, and the entire Beaver State for an invigorating and thoroughly enjoyable meeting with great ambiance, great beer, and great food…when you could get it.